Saint Rock n Roll

Author’s Note: I know last week I promised a re-write for the Vampire Jersey Shore, and I promise that is coming. But I have been struggling immensely with the re-write. I think part of the reason is that I am a creative person. It is hard for me to go back to an idea when I have others I feel need my attention.

The re-write is coming I promise. I am including this story as replacement for this week and plan to release what I have, regardless if it is complete, of the Vampire Jersey Shore on Tuesday.

I’m hoping to maybe change my publishing schedule a little. After reading that blog posts get the most traffic on Tuesday.


Most pagan religions have their sex goddess. Aphrodite was the Greeks, Venus was Romes and now in this day and age it is Maxine Llewelyn, front woman for the band Maxine and the Murder Marxists. Maxine owns her pussy, and has had no problem using it to get her to the top.

She is the first to tell you that she fucked her way to mega stardom, and with a wink said she had fun doing it.

Maxine has worked as a model, sex worker, adult film starlet, she was a professional athlete at one point, novelist and a commercial artist. She doesn’t like the title of singer, songwriter, rockstar or even musician.

I ask her what I should call her if she doesn’t like those titles. She doesn’t say anything instead she reaches into her well worn blue jeans and produces a business card. On the card it reads: Maxine Llewelyn Heavy Metal Dominatrix.

Heavy Metal Dominatrix?

“To me that term is what best describes what I do. I don’t like to conform to any sort of norm. What I do is music, but it is so much more. I’m also a female, and a sexy one at that, who plays heavy metal and I embrace that in my music,” Llewelyn said.

Although she is a multiplatinum selling artist, with world wide success, she is not without her critics. Much of the online feminist community do not like her, despite claims to be one of them.

“I get trashed by these women regularly on the internet, because supposedly I’m too good looking to be one of them. Also, that I utilize sexuality in a way that isn’t looked favorably by them. Somehow I am supposedly being exploited; yet, I firmly maintain that I was never exploited I strategically use my pussy, my sexuality and my talents to further my position. I use what I have, I sing about what I have as my power, not a weakness. If that isn’t feminism I don’t know what is,” said Llewelyn.

-Featured Female, 2016

Jazzy Jordan a.k.a. Jordan Brown, manager for Maxine Llewelyn:

There was something special about Maxine. It was something that everyone at our firm recognized. She was by far the most talented person I have ever met, she also was the most gorgeous. She was a one two combination of talents and looks; I knew taking her on as my client she wouldn’t be a hard sell.

People would look past the heavy metal posturing , because she was so striking and was so talented. I started managing her career just after her time in San Francisco. Even then in those early years she knew who she was. She was the rebel from day one, it wasn’t an image that I had to create for her.

I’m sure you already know her origin story though.

Maxine Llewelyn grew up in a privileged household. Her mother was a Russian born socialite, her father a wealthy American banker – she was an only child.

As a young girl she grew up with maids and butlers in upstate New York. Her family would summer in Venice. Maxine would attend only the finest private schools until she was college aged.

As a young girl she trained ballet, she played the bassoon, and was an avid tennis player at the country club.

She grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth, and it was precisely this silver spoon that made Maxine the person she is today.

“When I was 18 I went and had a boob job. Not because I needed one, not because I was uncomfortable in my body, but because I knew it would anger my mother. My mom was training me to be classic beauty, maybe get a modeling contract, marry a rich lord or something.

“She opposed the ‘trash’ that would augment their breasts. It was seen as a low class form of beauty. I hated my mom… god bless her and my father for being such splendid pieces of shit,” said Llewelyn.

    When Llewelyn turned 19 she went away to college, Ivy League all the way, Oxford. Free of her parents, she gave up ballet and took up hip-hop dancing, stopped playing bassoon and learned electric guitar. She got three tattoos and her nose pierced.

    “I was a real radical in college, I didn’t fit in there. They were the same pampered jerks that I wanted to be free off. I did everything I could to rebel. It still wasn’t enough though. Eventually, I had to just drop out. I wasn’t cut out for the traditional route that structured education prepares you for,” said Llewelyn.

    At 20-years-old she left Oxford, or rather she was expelled for indecent exposure, and went and became a coal miner in Kentucky. She said she wanted to learn what it was like to live a hard life, she wanted to show that women could be strong.

    She did this for about a year, she kept practicing guitar, adding to her outrageous image with more tattoos. She then took up powerlifting.

    Eventually, Llewelyn made her way to San Francisco. It was here that she worked as a stripper and sometimes escort. The money was good for her, it was fun work, but what she really wanted to do was play music.

    “San Francisco is where the pieces really started to come together. It was this weird melting pot of people. I met my ex-girlfriend there – Marlene, and we formed a band “Nuns for Satan,” said Llewelyn.


  • The People’s Republic of Music 2015


MacGyver Jones, former drummer for Nuns for Satan

The Nuns for Satan thing was an interesting note in American hardcore punk. It was sort of what got Maxine started in her career as a noted rock goddess even though she wasn’t really the frontwoman at first. When the band first formed it was Marlene who sang and was upfront pandering to the crowd. Maxine though, she was just this silent and stunning lead guitar player.

She could shred, and she was absolutely beautiful. She transcended the alt-girl nitsche and even average people in San Fran kind of knew who she was based on her look. That wasn’t to say Marlene was hot, but she didn’t really have that “it” factor that Maxine had.

The band hit its peak as it also began nearing its own destruction. Marlene called in sick the night of one of our shows. The band needed the money and instead of cancelling Maxine stepped in to sing all of the songs. No one knew at that time that she could sing, it was as much as a surprise to the audience as it was to us the band.

Her voice though was just this perfect hard rock concoction of all the best female singers that came before her. Maxine was nominated by the rest of the band to be the lead singer. Marlene took a backseat in the band as the now voiceless rhythm guitarist. She wasn’t happy.

This lasted for about six months. In that small window of time though our popularity picked up, and the record companies started paying attention. However, Marlene became more and more vocal about her unhappiness. The two women broke up and the whole band fell apart.

We as band members were forced to pick sides. Bassist Honus Aguilar sided with Maxine and I made the mistake of siding with Marlene. Marlene at that time had more ties to the music community in San Francisco. There would be another band for her, the rest of the artists in San Fran thought Maxine was a traitor, myself included. Marlene formed Viper, which obviously didn’t do much to push the needle or else we wouldn’t be having this discussion.

Those record execs that had been looking at Nuns for Satan remembered Maxine and when the band disbanded, they still were interested in giving Maxine a deal. I know now that they were never interested in us, they just wanted Maxine, which I get she was our talent.

    “Honus and I just didn’t work out. I love him so much, we came up together, but I just couldn’t pretend to be the person he wanted,” said Maxine Llewelyn.

    After the infamous Marlene split, Maxine Llewelyn found love in her former bandmate Honus Aguilar; bassist Nuns for Satan and Murder Marxists. The two maintained a romantic relationship for two years. However, Maxine has always maintained that she just has too much love to give for one person.

    “When we first entered into a relationship I told Honus this is going to be an open thing. I have feelings for you; but if I am going to be the female rock n’ roll Jesus, I need to be able to do my thing without the restrictions of monogamy,” said Llewelyn.

    She maintains she still has feelings for him as a person, but that part of her life is over. Llewelyn has always been known for openness with sex and her crusade to eliminate the repressive nature people have surrounding it.


  • Teen People, 2015


Honus Aguilar, bassist Nuns for Satan, Murder Marxists:

I loved Maxine with all my heart, and when she ended things with me I thought about killing myself. I get why she did it, we didn’t share the same values. When I was younger I thought I could be this rebel and would scoff at the established sexual mores. When it came down to it though Maxine was too much for me.

I always felt uncomfortable when she would be doing risque photoshoots, or would talk about sleeping around. I mean sure I had permission to do the same, at the end of the day though I wanted a wife and kids, and a house with the white picket fence.

I tried to put up with it as long as I could, it was right around that time though she did the adult film thing. We argued a lot about that, she didn’t need the fame or exposure, but she was adamant about doing it. It was this whole thing with her about being sexually liberated. Here I was just repressed.

I did see the film, but not until years after we broke up. It makes me laugh now, I think back how I was somehow trying to tame her, but that would have been impossible.

Maxine never asked me to leave the band, I did that on my own. Rock n’ Roll wasn’t for me. I eventually found jazz and managed to have those more conventional things I’d always wanted in life.

When I learned of her passing it hit me hard. By then I was married, but I still cared deeply for her.

When Maxine Llewelyn puts her mind to something you better pay attention. The musical artist seems to transcend the normal  zeitgeist of celebrity culture.

    She has made a career out of spitting blood, and playing speed metal. Then without any warning she turned to the world of adult films becoming the most downloaded pornographic actress ever. Now she is looking to conquer the world of athletics – she plans to compete in the Olympics in the sport tennis.

    Who would have guessed that the young, tattooed beauty would wish to compete in the aristocratic sport of tennis? Well those who have known her the longest say it is no surprise.

    Llewelyn grew up at the country club and had been a prodigy in the sport. She has enlisted elite tennis trainer Nikolai Romanov to be her trainer.


  • ESPN Magazine, 2014


Nikolai Romanov, Tennis Trainer:

You will have to forgive me, I come from Russia, my English not so good.

When I agreed to train Maxine, I did not know she had tennis background. I only knew she was silly girl in underwear, she screamed, and would spit blood on crowd. I’m not so big a fan of her music, I like the classics Mozart, Beethoven, Handel, etc…

So hopes were not high that she would amount to much in sport. However, I agreed because the money was good. I train many great tennis players, but no one has ever offered me so much money as Maxine did.

I thought she would be drug addled deadbeat, thought this would be the fastest $1 million I ever make. I was wrong. Maxine was an intimidating specimen in person. Strong and muscular, athletic, but feminine and beautiful. She was lioness, strong and proud. She was rusty with her abilities, but with some time she would become very competitive.

We trained for the Olympics, sadly she never made it there, however, she was good enough to become alternate. She would go on to place third in at least one major tournament. Very impressive for a young lady who had given up the sport years prior.

After tournament her and I would discontinue our professional relationship. We remained friends though. Many nights we would drink vodka together and sing songs. She was a good friend I miss her dearly.

Maxine Llewelyn is dead!

    She was shot to death outside of her hotel in Sacramento. The shooter still has not been identified. We will keep you updated as more information becomes known.

    – Sacramento News @11

Conway Lester, convicted murderer:

She is a goddess. The first time I ever laid eyes on her, I knew that she was special. She was beautiful and strong, covered in tattoos, hair messy and unconventional. She played guitar as if she was fueled by cocaine and Monster energy drinks. I was in love.

Maxine was considered to be the face of a new feminine revolution. She was a model turned Suicide Girl, an athlete, and a record setting musical artist. She was only 27 when she died. I was the person that killed her.

She was becoming too great, too mainstream, and I couldn’t let that happen. Her legacy would be tainted if her rise to superstardom continued. She should be for the diehard fans, at least for now, then like all great 27 year old musicians since passed, people would come to her out of respect for her art and not something superficial.


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